"I want spiritual riches, the power that raised Christ from the dead, life everlasting, joy, peace, ecstasy, power, riot, to this end I labour, struggling with all the energy of Christ, revelations, streams of living water, something so mesmerizing, so hypnotic, so compelling it sucks you in, consumes you, makes you lose control, fall on your face, tears streaming, let passion, love, life, God overwhelm me for once, and not this nothingness, not trapped, boxed in by this nothingness. Look at me, I'm dead. I'm dead. I look inside of me and I'm dead. I'm never happy doing what I'm doing, when I'm doing something I'm always thinking of what I can do next. I don't want anything, not anything the world can offer. I can have anything I want, but I look at everything in the world and I don't want any of it. I had the only thing I ever wanted once, the only time I ever had it."
"I love God not for what He gives, but for who He is. I love Him because He is God. I don't care how much He hurts me, I will still love Him, because no matter what I do to Him, whether I drive nails hard into His hands or spear His side, He will still adore me. Even though I crucified Him, He still lives for me, so though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. I know it's illogical, probably heretical and for most people, utterly repulsive. But that's how our love works, me and Him."
God moves. I need to wait on Him.
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